What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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