This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
