Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
