im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
