Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am one with the molecules
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
