Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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