Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
