I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
