he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sext me about skeletons
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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