Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
