Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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