Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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