No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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