What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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