I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
