She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
