Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
