can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
