I just made out with a guy for $7.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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