don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
