Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
