guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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