he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
