i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
