She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
