if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dude. I can hear the air.
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