erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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