Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
