I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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