if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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