i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
