my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
