sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
