Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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