jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
