guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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