that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
