My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
