If that was your dad, he is hot
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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