something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
