you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
