your room smells of hookers.
And success
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
