Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
