no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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