Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
