If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
