i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
