I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
