put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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