My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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