How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
