THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
