If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
