You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
