Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
