FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
