I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
