I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
