Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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