She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
