Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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