Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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