I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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