As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want to make out with him forever
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
