I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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