this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this will be a night to untag.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
