she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
