i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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