I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
