Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize