i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
