I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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