You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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