She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
