i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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